Swimming Upstream

I am the Salmon. Not in the psychedelic, drug infused, Beatles, "I am the Walrus" kind of way, but in more of a metaphoric, poetic, analogy kind of way.

I don't know if I was just naive, or if i was overly hopeful, but I realized today that I am most certainly swimming against the cultural torrent. During class today I was able to have a conversation with some of my students about what I am like outside of school. Somehow they had the impression that I am just like every other person they know and that I drink and cuss and sleep around when I am not teaching. They also thought I was 30 or older, so that gives you a hint about their powers of perception. But the sad thing is, once I started telling my students what I am like, they didn't believe me. They were convinced that I was lying to them.

I realize that the cultural norm is far different from the way I choose to live my life, but am I really that much of a minority? These kids had no idea that someone like me existed in this world. They had never met someone who holds the same values that I do. What a grim realization. No wonder these kids face the things they face and have the attitudes they have. It is a dark world they live in. A world in need of Light. A world that is so dark they are blinded when confronted with the Light (H.G. Wells' "Morlocks" are not a bad analogy here...).

As much as I care for my students, I found it frustrating that at the end of the conversation a number of them were pitying me as if I am the one who is missing out on something. I wanted so badly to confront them with the truth, but they couldn't understand. They have a "now" mentality. How do you share a message of hope (which is by necessity about the future) with someone who is incapable of thinking about the future?

I realize now more than ever the importance and beauty of waiting patiently and prayerfully for my bride, whoever she may be. The odds are against me in finding someone with the same values and faith as I have. But that doesn't matter because my hope is in my Savior. No matter when, where, or how I meet my bride, I can trust in Him. It is unlikely that I can find someone who will measure up to the standards God has given me to expect in a woman, which is why I can't find her. I'm letting go. It's no longer my responsibility to find her. Instead I am living with the expectation that she will be God's gift to me, because there is no better way.

So I am swimming upstream. At times it is tiring and I wonder if I will make it. But there is something inside of me driving me to keep pressing on until I reach the headwaters.

"Classic"

Alright, its time for a slightly more light-hearted post.

I was noticing on google today that they have what they call the "classic" look as one option or you can have a more personalized look as well. Then I went to another website that also had made some changes, but allowed you to opt for the "classic" page style. This (for whatever reason) got me wondering how one would define the word "classic." So, being who I am, I looked it up. (By the way, whenever you want to know what a word means, don't go to dictionary.com or anything, go to your good ole' google search box and type "define: " and then the word. It gives you the best definitions you could hope for.)

So this is what I found (summarized):

• authoritative: of recognized authority or excellence;
  
• classical: of or relating to the most highly developed stage of an earlier culture
  
• a creation of the highest excellence

So, "classic" actually refers to the best that something could be. The question then remains: why are more people not still using the "classic" version of something, or why would we call it classic if we make something newer that is supposed to be better? Our culture seems ripe with misuses of the word classic.

However, there are (in my opinion) some rather common, but proper uses of the word as well.

"Classical music" - music of the highest quality and excellence. Seriously, if it takes that many people to perform it, it must be good right? Could this be why the upper class has tried to claim this music exclusively to itself?

"Classic rock" - seriously, has rock music gotten any better since the 70s or is it all just the reiterations of the same things?

"Classic!" (the interjection - see school house rock if you don't know what an interjection is) - some event in life that is so unique and incredible, that it must be either the best of something that has ever happened, or the worst of something that has ever happened, and in either case it is noteworthy for its state.

Anyway,...not quite deep and profound, but worth thinking about...maybe.

The Secret Lives of Balloons

Nearly every child loves a balloon. It is such a simple object, but it brings pleasure and joy. Why is it that it brings children so much pleasure? At best it is a diversion. It is temporary. In the end it is meaningless.

A balloon's life begins simply enough - it is a piece of rubber that gets stretched around air. All it does is sit there. It is nothing special.

The most excitement a balloon can possibly bring is when it "dies." The spectacular and sudden end of a balloon's life is its most impressive moment. Then it is gone - it's last cry a reverberating memory in the ears of those nearby. Children who experience the death of a balloon are often heartbroken and traumatized until the memory of the balloon is replaced by another diversion.

Of course not all balloons die in a violent outburst. Some balloons slowly shrivel and fade away. They slink into a meek existence, only to bring disappointment to children who encounter it. They wonder at its sad state, quickly growing bored with the balloon and seeking other pleasures.

Some balloons, in fear of either end, run away, looking for a simpler answer to life's woes. They flee for safety without any regard for their owners' feelings. Abandonment and loneliness overwhelm the child who clung to their now absent source of joy.

Why is it that children seek such temporary pleasure? The emptiness of these simple thrills becomes apparent to us as we grow older, but to a child, a balloon can be the epitome of pleasure. In reality, it seems as though we are often the children, holding on to the empty pleasures that this world offers us. We are surprised when things blow up on us. We are depressed when we grow weary of things as they lose their glisten. We are disappointed when things disappear on us and we are left empty-handed. We often put so much stock in the things that this world is offering us, but that cannot satisfy us in the end. As we grow in spiritual maturity, we realize that life's pleasures often bring nothing to our lives - they have been at best a diversion. But a diversion from what? From taking the perfect gift from the Perfect Giver and living a life of meaning. Jesus says, "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly" (John 10:10). This is a bigger promise than a simple balloon. This is a promise of substance and beauty. This is a promise of relationship and joy. This is a promise of intimacy. But as long as we seek after the pleasures of this world (humor/entertainment, money, status/recognition, etc) we are bound to be disappointed. It is only by letting go of the empty balloons we are clinging to that we can grab hold of all He is offering us. Don't get me wrong - this is not an easy choice. In many ways to our immature natures, the balloon seems like the better choice. The "balloon" is usually shinier at first. We see the callouses on His hands are realize that it is going to be difficult at times. A "balloon" will never discipline us for making a bad choice, but our Father will. A "balloon" will never ask us to do anything, but our Father will. But, a "balloon" can never interact with us in the same way that our Father can. A "balloon" does not care about your feelings and interests and abilities, but our Father does.

Will you let go of the balloon and take hold of His hand?

Balance

Not the physical kind of balance, but the other kind. The kind where it sometimes feels like you are fighting with everything you have to stay sane. Activity balance. Spiritual balance. These are ever-increasingly difficult areas of life to maintain balance, and at the same time it becomes ever more important to maintain balance in those areas.

I have recently been on a quest to find a greater balance in my life. I am by nature a sort of an "all or nothing" character. I tend to dive into things and immerse myself in any new area that I choose to take on. In some ways, this can be a great thing - when I really want to get something done, I can shove other things out of the way and get it done. But more often than not, this is not a good attribute.

In so many areas of my life, I find the need for greater balance. I have a tendency to immerse myself in my school work during the school year/week. I will sometimes spend hours upon hours working on improving the things I do as a teacher in order to help my classes learn better. But what usually happens when I do this is that I get stressed out and frustrated because all of my energy has been on school stuff and my teaching ends up suffering. I forget about taking care of my own needs - to socialize with friend, find quiet time with God, and just relax. Then when I realize that I haven't been addressing my own needs, I sometimes stop doing schoolwork for a while, which usually leaves me in a tight spot where I am forced to do a lot of work in a short amount of time and the cycle repeats itself.

More than just in the day-to-day life things, I also find that I need better balance in the Spiritual realm as well. I often find myself focusing on one area of my faith - be it reading Scripture, prayer, reading devotionals, helping others, etc. In the same way that an unbalanced life leads to a chaotic life, an unbalanced spiritual life leads to a chaotic (and feeble) spiritual life. In the same way that the Apostle talks about us all being parts of one body (each providing unique, yet important qualities), the Spiritual life is lacking when one area of our faith is ignored in preference to another. All of the aspects of faith work together to benefit the believer. No aspect of faith can be allowed to lack.

I recently began reading a book titled "Knowing Christ" by Alister McGrath who is a scientist-turned-theologian (fascinating people they are). He mentions in his book that our greatest strengths often act as our greatest weaknesses as well. This exactly fits with what I am trying to say - my ability to focus solely on one thing at a time and not balance more numerous things, while beneficial at times, often results in a deficiency somewhere in my life.

May you lead a balanced life, filled with peace.

Purpose

In life, everyone is looking for a purpose. There is something deep within the human psyche that searches for something "bigger than oneself." This search is really a search for the ultimate Truth and the call that God has placed on our lives - it causes us to be drawn to Him and to worship Him. For many however, this search has become confused and misdirected.

I watched the movie "Grizzly Man" today. For those of you who don't know (but should!), Timothy Treadwell was a man who spent much of his life trying to protect grizzly bears in Alaska. He ended up dying at the hand (paw?) of one of these grizzlies. I was struck by how much of himself he poured into protecting these bears. He had committed himself to a cause. However misguided this commitment was, he had found something he was willing to die for.

It worries me that there are not more people in America that have found something they are willing to be so dedicated to. There is a need in this country for people to look beyond themselves. Indifference and complacency are a serious disease within American culture. As a Christian, one of my biggest fears is that the church will lower its standards to appeal to the culture. I am genuinely concerned that in order to reach people, the church will step down to their level instead of drawing them up towards God.

Though I disagree with his ideals and philosophy of life, I respect Timothy because he was willing to make sacrifices and set aside the "norm" as part of his search for something bigger than himself. I would rather befriend someone like Timothy and disagree with him, than make a friend of someone who doesn't stand for anything. Passion for a purpose can be refined and brought into alignment with God's purposes in life. Complacency cannot as easily be affected. I hope that the church can stand up to this call and rally together to pull this country in the right direction. Without our efforts, I fear that this nation will quickly and willingly end up lost on the sea of indifference with no intention of being rescued, satisfied to succomb to "whatever fate may bring." Is there still hope for America? I don't know. What I do know is this: that Christ called all men to a higher standard and a greater purpose than what we see on a daily basis in this country. Will you challenge those around you to step up and accept that call?

Simplicity

I was thinking about simplicity as I was trying to listen to a cd on an old cd player the other day. The cd player was not really working properly. As I was trying to fix it, the thought struck me that had I been using a record player, it would be easy to diagnose and correct the problem since it has so few moving parts. I can fix a record player. I cannot fix a cd player. So which is better? Sure, the cd player may have better sound and be more portable. But what cd player is going to last 40 years like my parents' record player? What cd player is simple enough to fix without a degree in electrical engineering? Coincidentally, I was thinking about this while raking leaves my parents' yard. A rake is about as simple as it gets. Sure there are "more technological" ways to get leaves off a lawn, but rakes have been around for hundreds of years. If a rake breaks, I can fix it in 10 minutes with stuff around the house/yard. If a mulching lawn mower breaks, I am going to spend the rest of that day figuring out whats wrong and trying to get it fixed.

Ironically, the word "technology" has one of the vaguest definitions in the dictionary. Nobody can quite figure out what it is or how to define it. So why do we always think that technology is a great solution to our problems? Rarely does technology (in the modern sense of the word) simplify anything.

In my life, I want to pursue simplicity. Please note that I do not necessarily equate simplicity with ease. I recognize that by pursuing simplicity there may be areas of my life that are not always easy. Yet I recognize that by simplifying my life, I will have more attention to give to people and to God. Simplicity opens a door to deeper things. Simple relationships with people are formed through honesty and integrity, and that allows people to connect in a more personal and intimate way. Simple living means spending less money on things (which tend to accumulate anyway), showing generosity, and budgeting time to focus on others. In the midst of life's complexity, there is a simple truth that will never change and can never be complicated: God loves us, and we love Him because He first loved us. Every other thing in life falls under this truth and either works to preserve the simplicity of this statement or complicate it.

I choose to pursue simplicity and let my love for God grow.

Restless

I was driving through the countryside today and I began to feel restless. It may have been the beautiful fall colors all over the trees as summer escapes and winter approaches. It might have also been the fresh air rushing across my face through the open window which I have missed for the past several weeks. It could have been the muted trumpet solo over the melancholy jazz song coming through the radio. It might have been the combination of all three things.

Whatever it was, it got me thinking about making changes in my life. Not just things like getting a haircut or rearranging furniture - I mean big changes. Like moving to a different school or buying a house. That is not to say that I am unhappy with my life - I am content in every way. I love my job and feel like Letchworth is a perfect fit for me. I am very comfortable in my apartment and enjoy its proximity to my friends, my church, and the rest of my life. Despite satisfaction with the state of my life, I still experienced a growing sense of restlessness.

Where did this restlessness come from? It seems to me that changing seasons are a subtle, yet beautiful reminder that we were not made to remain stationary in life. We are forced to adapt, not just to minor circumstances and situations, but to big changes in life. We can expect and look forward to these changes knowing that God will do his handiwork to make the change beautiful. In the midst of the change it is not always easy to see the beauty. The weather has been getting colder and the days shorter. In all honesty, I did not realize so many of the leaves were changing until today. It really hit me just how much things have changed recently and how beautiful it is.

In the same way, we can expect spiritual changes to come as well. It is interesting that Scripture often refers to different phases of life as "seasons." They may sneak up on us and catch us off guard. They may come suddenly and blatantly into our lives announcing their arrival. In either case, spiritual seasons are inevitable and in their own way and time, beautiful.

As for me and my restlessness, I realize that this sensation will pass. The restlessness is not something to avoid. Neither is the complacency that will follow. In all seasons I will put my hope in Christ, acknowledging my need for the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I will find joy in the seasonal changes of life and nature. Will you?

PS, thanks to Kathy Mauer for letting me use the picture she took!

Defend Your Honor

For those of you who don't know, I tend to draw a lot of spiritual analogies, ideas, and lessons from everyday things that I encounter. This can be stuff I see on TV or in movies, things I hear in a song, something I see on the side of the road, something I read somewhere, etc. It is quite eclectic, but that's who I am.

I am currently reading Alexander Dumas' The Three Musketeers (for the second time). As I was reading it, I was struck by how quickly D'Artagnan jumps to defend his honor. His hotheadedness gets him into duels (that are supposed to end in death) over silly things. He risks his life and his dream of becoming a musketeer to protect something he perceives as his right in life. His emotional insecurity interferes with him achieving his life-long dream. He is so worried about protecting the little honor that he has that he makes a choice that risks gaining the even greater honor of becoming a musketeer. My question is, how often do I do the very same thing, over-extend myself to protect something that doesn't really matter? How often do I allow myself to lose sight of the greater purposes on my life by trying to protect the miniscule pieces of my purpose and destiny that I've already achieved. If I truly believe that God has ordained the steps of my life, I will not allow myself to get in my way. The only way that I can do this is to keep my eyes on Him, the Author and Perfector of my faith, the Writer of my destiny and the Creator of my purpose. God grant me the peace and hope to walk in your ways.

Beginning thoughts...

First of all, like everyone else who starts a blog, I will justify my reasons for starting this blog.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I was talking to my friend Ben who said that it always seemed like I had a story or something I was waiting to share when we hung out. He commented that it seemed like a blog would be a good outlet for me. Its true. I have a lot of things going on in my head that I want to get out. I do realize that not everyone cares or is interested in my thoughts and have tried to be respectful of that.

This blog should allow me to keep track of my thoughts and share them with those who care enough to peruse them. I am not sure exactly what route this will end up taking, but it is here.

Coincidentally, I have recently noticed that living the digital life is incredibly compartmentalized. People do their own thing and revolve through their own minute worlds. Even though there are so many powerful ways to connect with people via the internet and other digital communications media, people seem as lonely as ever (or possibly even more so). The choose-your-own (on-demand) entertainment drive has caused people to have lost touch with true diversity - dealing with things that happen to come into your life. People will only encounter what they want to. I have recently felt challenged to expand my horizons and pursue people because people are unique and they are beautiful for it. I am beginning to see beauty even in those people I don't get along with because I see God's hand in their uniqueness. I want to enjoy God's creativity and stop limiting myself.

Anyway, here's to living the digital life with purpose.