So I'm 30 now.
My life doesn't really look like I expected it to.
The idea of turning 30 first started becoming a reality in my mind a few weeks ago. I naturally started to assess my life based on the goals I had set when I was younger.
I think I had a fairly typical list of goals. At different times the list would change slightly, but in general, I always expected to have good friends, go to a good church, be married, have a a kid or two, and own a house. Some people may not think these are all things that you should expect to have by 30 (and they're probably right), but I did.
The list starts out ok - friends, check. Church, check. But,... I am not married, I don't have any kids, I don't own a house.
I was tempted to feel like I was falling behind - especially with the awareness of exactly how many friends have some (or all) of the things on this list. And yes, I realized how awful that sounds - it sounds like selfishness, jealousy or coveting. It sounds like comparing. It sounds like not trusting God. So rather than go down this dangerous road, I stopped myself and prayed. I asked God to give me perspective.
And He did.
I think I had a fairly typical list of goals. At different times the list would change slightly, but in general, I always expected to have good friends, go to a good church, be married, have a a kid or two, and own a house. Some people may not think these are all things that you should expect to have by 30 (and they're probably right), but I did.
The list starts out ok - friends, check. Church, check. But,... I am not married, I don't have any kids, I don't own a house.
I was tempted to feel like I was falling behind - especially with the awareness of exactly how many friends have some (or all) of the things on this list. And yes, I realized how awful that sounds - it sounds like selfishness, jealousy or coveting. It sounds like comparing. It sounds like not trusting God. So rather than go down this dangerous road, I stopped myself and prayed. I asked God to give me perspective.
And He did.
Here's what God said to me: "You feel like you're falling behind in some kind of race. But that's an impossibility. YOU are the only one running your race. Which means there is nobody else to get ahead of you."
#speechless
Here's what this word did for me. It relieved me from comparing myself to others or to my own expectations. And just as important - it allowed me to focus on what I have instead of what I don't.
I've done a few orienteering races this year. And I love them. Orienteering is almost like a 5k race, except that in your typical 5k, there's a set route. Everybody takes the same path from the starting line to the finish line. In an orienteering race, you get a map with a bunch of checkpoints on it. You use the map and a compass and run from the starting line to all the checkpoints and then on to the finish line. But no two people will run exactly the same race. There's no set course from one checkpoint to another.
While you're out there running, sometimes you'll see someone else and for a little while it looks like you're running the same race. But then all of a sudden they veer off towards a checkpoint that's not on your map. So it's dangerous to compare yourself to other racers or try to follow them - all it can do is frustrate or confuse you. To stay on course you continually check your compass and keep focused on your own personal map.
I am the only person running my race. Nobody else's race will be the same as mine. I don't have to look at my life and worry about falling behind.
I've done a few orienteering races this year. And I love them. Orienteering is almost like a 5k race, except that in your typical 5k, there's a set route. Everybody takes the same path from the starting line to the finish line. In an orienteering race, you get a map with a bunch of checkpoints on it. You use the map and a compass and run from the starting line to all the checkpoints and then on to the finish line. But no two people will run exactly the same race. There's no set course from one checkpoint to another.
While you're out there running, sometimes you'll see someone else and for a little while it looks like you're running the same race. But then all of a sudden they veer off towards a checkpoint that's not on your map. So it's dangerous to compare yourself to other racers or try to follow them - all it can do is frustrate or confuse you. To stay on course you continually check your compass and keep focused on your own personal map.
I am the only person running my race. Nobody else's race will be the same as mine. I don't have to look at my life and worry about falling behind.
My life doesn't look like I thought it would,...but my life doesn't look like I thought it would.
Here's what I discovered by focusing on what I have instead of what I don't have: I'm glad my life doesn't look like I wanted it to at 30. It's far more interesting than I would have made it.
Let's look back at the list for a moment, shall we?
Friends,...yeah, I have some friends. I have more friends than I ever expected to have at 30 years old. And one of the greatest things about this reality is that my friends don't look quite as much like me as they did when I was younger. My friendships have expanded my world and given me an appreciation for things and ideas I didn't know existed before. I'm amazed at just how different and interesting God created the people in the world around me to be. And as time goes on and life seasons change, God has been faithful to never leave me without some friends who are men and women of God that have helped me to grow ("As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." - Proverbs 27:17, NLT).
Church,...yeah, I go to church. But wait a second - I only expected to be going to church? Where God has taken me is way cooler than that! I've been on 4 missions trips to 4 different countries around the world. I've been able to be a camp counselor and assistant director at a camp that impacts hundreds of young lives each year for 8 years. I've been able to serve people as a deacon in my church. I've been able to play guitar on a worship team that has pulled the best out of me and taught me to be a worshiper and a worship leader. I've grown in my relationship with Christ in ways I never thought possible. Years ago I had no idea that this kind of intimacy with God was an option. But it has given me a hunger to know Him more. How much more of God is there to know? I want to find out! I love my heavenly Father. He has been so good and so faithful to me.
Here's what I discovered by focusing on what I have instead of what I don't have: I'm glad my life doesn't look like I wanted it to at 30. It's far more interesting than I would have made it.
Let's look back at the list for a moment, shall we?
Friends,...yeah, I have some friends. I have more friends than I ever expected to have at 30 years old. And one of the greatest things about this reality is that my friends don't look quite as much like me as they did when I was younger. My friendships have expanded my world and given me an appreciation for things and ideas I didn't know existed before. I'm amazed at just how different and interesting God created the people in the world around me to be. And as time goes on and life seasons change, God has been faithful to never leave me without some friends who are men and women of God that have helped me to grow ("As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." - Proverbs 27:17, NLT).
Church,...yeah, I go to church. But wait a second - I only expected to be going to church? Where God has taken me is way cooler than that! I've been on 4 missions trips to 4 different countries around the world. I've been able to be a camp counselor and assistant director at a camp that impacts hundreds of young lives each year for 8 years. I've been able to serve people as a deacon in my church. I've been able to play guitar on a worship team that has pulled the best out of me and taught me to be a worshiper and a worship leader. I've grown in my relationship with Christ in ways I never thought possible. Years ago I had no idea that this kind of intimacy with God was an option. But it has given me a hunger to know Him more. How much more of God is there to know? I want to find out! I love my heavenly Father. He has been so good and so faithful to me.
I am not married, I don't have any kids, I don't own a house. But,...I've been watching and learning. I have friends who are absolutely awesome husbands, fathers, and homeowners. I've learned a lot from just being around these people. Being single has given me an availability to learn that I wouldn't have had otherwise. If I was busy being a home-owning husband and father (HOHF), when would I have been able to see the variety of approaches to these things? How would I have seen all the little things that I have been able to see in how to tackle these huge endeavors? I had really wrong expectations (and I mean truly laughable expectations) about what a HOHF was. I now realize it's way harder than I thought. And I've learned that because of that, it is way more rewarding than I thought. And don't you HOHFs and HOHMs out there reading this worry - the most important thing I've learned is that I really have no idea what's coming. No matter how much I learn and see on this side of it all, I know that I won't know what to do all the time. And that its ok not to know. I have confidence that I will make mistakes. But I know that there's hope and grace to learn from those mistakes. And that having friends and a relationship with Christ are foundational for the coming seasons once I am a HOHF.
So I'm 30. And I'm done comparing myself to the expectations I set. I will choose instead to enjoy the race I'm running. I have no idea what will come next. But I know it will be good. And I know I can't lose.
So I'm 30. And I'm done comparing myself to the expectations I set. I will choose instead to enjoy the race I'm running. I have no idea what will come next. But I know it will be good. And I know I can't lose.
