Flux

I know its been a while since I've blogged.  What brings me to the blogger tonight is really a need to process some ideas. Writing always helps me process.  So while I invite and encourage you to read this, I write mostly for my own good.  I hope you find something of value and benefit to you, but that is not my ultimate goal tonight.

Quick disclaimer: some of what I will be writing about is the kind of thing people tend to want to offer positive moral encouragement regarding.  I appreciate your inclinations, but they are unnecessary.  Hopefully you will see why as you read.

First let me define flux (I'm a teacher, remember?): "constant change"; "a process of flowing" - not the physics definition you might normally expect from me regarding such a physicsy word.  Right now, I feel like I am going through a process of change in my attitudes, perspectives, and habits.  I feel like God is doing something in me. 

Ok, so I started reading through the book of Acts recently and kept thinking how very different the life of the Apostles looked from mine.  They stood out in boldness.  They faced up to persecution, trials, and hardships with joy.  They walked according to the Spirit in ways that led to miracles.  They sacrificed freely for the good of others.  They saw fruit in their ministry.  I lead a normal, and pretty comfortable life.  I am kinda shy when it comes to matters of faith.  I haven't seen (m)any miracles as a result of my prayers or actions.  I haven't seen (much) fruit as a result from my labors and efforts to minister to others and have never led someone who wasn't a Christian to the Lord. I honestly started looking at my life and feeling like there are lots of other non-Christian people who do at least what I do.  I know teachers at school who coach and seem to have a much greater impact on my students than I do.  There are lots of non-Christian people who do amazing things for various social causes or needs that I don't come close to as far as impact on the world. I don't mean to come across as thinking non-Christians can't have a positive impact on the world.  But I kinda feel sometimes like I'm not much more than a professional chaperone.  (This is the part I meant earlier,...hold on to your encouragements here please,...allow me to explain.) 

My life does not look like the new testament Christians I read about in Acts.  I think it is ok and good to admit this.  It is a simple fact.  At first I found this really distressing.  I was really tempted to doubt my status as a Christian.  I started to seek encouragement and reassurance from others.

But.

The verse that has been on a running news ticker in my head is Romans 12:2, "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Be transformed.

I want my life to look different.  I was called  to be transformed. What is it going to take?  A renewing of my mind.

So what mindsets do I have that need to be changed?  Well, I tend to think:

• that I don't have enough faith to see miracles
• that fruit of ministry must be immediate
• that things like acts of healing or prophetic words are more important than other gifts of the Spirit
• that there are other way more spiritual people that God should be using instead of me
• my Spiritual effectiveness will be obvious
• that how well I'm doing spiritually will affect God's call on my life and His ability to use me
• that I don't stand out because in everything I do I see other people who are way more talented than me
• other things that I need to change but haven't identified yet

So I need my mind to be renewed - "to be made new again". God will renew my mind.  He's been challenging me to do so.  I'm not there yet.  It needs to sink in still.  This is the part that I always feel like I'm getting into the way on.  It seems like my tendency is to hang on to things longer than God does.  I think he moves on with life sooner than I tend to.  But He sees the bigger picture.  And getting His perspective is the only way I can experience the transformation I need. 

Here's what I'm working toward:

• Miracles? Faith of a mustard seed (small) is all it takes.(Luke 17:6)
• Immediacy? Seeds need time to take root and nourishment before they produce fruit.
• Ranking gifts? One body has many parts each with unique purpose - should the elbow despise the armpit (or whatever the scriptural body part example really is)? (1 Corinthians 12)
• Comparing myself to others? The potter makes some things for noble purposes, others for ignoble.  Isn't it the potter's choice to determine which is made for which purpose?  (Romans 9:21-23, 2 Corinthians 4:7) The bible says Moses was "mighty in word and deed" and then a little later we see him telling God he is not the right man for the job. Hmmm...What God saw in him wasn't quite what he saw in himself... (Acts 7:22, 35)
• Obviousness of effectiveness? "I was hungry and you fed me,..." "...Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you,...?" (Matthew 25:35, 37)
• My mistakes affecting God's use of me? Have you read Hebrews 11?
• Determining my value based on others' opinions? God alone is who I will have to give an account.  His opinion is the only one that matters.  He is my audience of One. He is the only one who gives me peace.  In Him and Him alone is my value determined.  "For God so loved ME that He sent His one and only Son..."
• Um,...there are lots of Bible verses and songs/hymns and other stuff I didn't incorporate into this list yet,...when I figure out what else God wants to change in me (and no, I don't need your suggestions right now, thankyouverymuch) I'm sure He will direct me to the appropriate items.

My mentor has said to me a couple times over the past week that everything I need is in me.  I just need to let it out.  The Spirit of God is living within me.  I just need to let it out. 

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our [intimate] knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3

It will be impossible to see growth in any of these areas unless I take action - start taking steps that move all the stuff that I think-know (the stuff in the list I just made) to being stuff that I act-know.  Without action there is no need or opportunity for faith.  "Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says." James 1:22

Time to be transformed.  Time to let my mind be renewed.